Here I am with the third article dedicated to weddings at the time of the coronavirus. I decided to help couples who had to postpone their wedding with the support and advice of Dr. Rosa Ljuba Lucariello. Who is Ljuba? Psychologist specializing in relationship analysis and psychosomatic mindfulness, a university teacher, but above all a great friend, mother, and wife.
Why Ljuba? I asked her not only for her professional contribution but also for some “bride advice” because 5 years ago, while Ljuba and Andrea started to plan their wedding, they discovered they were expecting their second child, and they decided to postpone the wedding for a year.
I certainly do not compare the expectation of a child to what we are experiencing now, but the feeling we could have postponing something planned and much desired can be assimilated. For this reason, I asked Ljuba to tell me how she lived that moment and some advice for couples who need to postpone the wedding for a year.
How did you experience the postponement of the wedding, and how did you feel on your wedding day?
Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.
This Elton John quote enlightened me. I remember that I was walking in Milan when I read this phrase in a shop and I meditated on it.
I’ve always affirmed that control is only an illusion but I struggled to accept the postponement of the wedding. I’d been waiting for it for a long time, we had already decided on the date, booked the venue, and I had just confirmed the dress, but the unexpected in life is always possible. I repeat it often: life is change, dynamism.
We waited for more than a year and we enjoyed the wedding day more intensely and with greater psychological preparation (the children were 13 months older and more autonomous), and physical (I lose 16 kg acquired with the second pregnancy, yeah!). We also had more time to know new vendors and organize everything better.
A bit of advice that you would give today as a “bride” to couples who are in this situation, due to unavoidable circumstances
When I find myself in difficulty and I have intrusive thoughts I wonder if I can do something to improve things and if the answer is “No” I usually accept it and I choose alternative ways to achieve my goal.
In this case, dear newlyweds, you can only accept what is happening and, after the first phase of anger and disappointment, I suggest you concentrate on living your love even more. If you are going through these weeks together, being in contact day after day is a privilege and your relationship will be even more intense and authentic.
With an extra year, you will also have plenty of time to organize what has not yet been done or review what has been done, add details or look for missing vendors. An extra year, if used to the fullest, offers many possibilities for discovery!
Professional advice to get not overwhelmed by events and situations, and to enjoy the planning
Being unprogrammed is always unpleasant but it allows you to have more time to prepare for the event. The waiting time can be sweeter if we focus on what’s nice going on in our life. Each of you has his Love for life at his side, physically or even at a distance (but close), the person you chose to marry, and the pandemic will have nothing on your bond. You have more time to explore, to know yourself, feel close, and listen to you. And when you’ll celebrate your love with friends and relatives, whom you haven’t been able to see for some time, it will be even more touching.
Not all evils come to harm! Coronavirus included! Experience this crisis as a great growth opportunity together!